oh these rollercoaster rides!

went to bed at 10:30 last night and was up by 4:30.  Sleep will not visit me today.  My stomach aches.  it's cartwheels and flips and back bends have me cramping over in pain.  tried to have a slice of bread and cheese last night hoping it would soothe me.  it helped a little.  of course all this coffee I'm madly consuming is not helping me either.

waiting just a bit longer to go down and have breakfast...well attempt to eat something.  hopefully i can take a walk by the river this morning.  there's a TRU somewhere nearby.  well gotta do what i gots to do!  saw some amazing dolls in Beijing (barbie sized) dressed in traditional robes.  couldn't buy them there since every square inch of luggage was crammed to the max.  Had hoped to buy two for my daughters and hide them for 10 years.  Way too nice for them to actually play with!!

found out that Dylan is still only drinking from a bottle.  will be very very interesting to watch her as she has her first "bite" of food.  i bought a bunch of those baby type crackers and thought i could try giving her some tomorrow.  I can't wait to see the look of shock (good shock!!!!)  tasting food for the very first time!  what must that feel like.

they're supposed to deliver the crib this morning.  how sweet.  could thing they hadn't brought it up earlier.  i would have changed the sheets, rearranged the mattress, moved it's location at least 10 times and god knows what else by now.

so damn tired right now.  so wired.   Dylan's nap time is at 3pm.  the ceremony is at 4pm.  she'll have been in a car for the last 3 1/2 - 4 hours.  this may not be a pleasant happy time for us all.  But she is the princess of the day (well lot longer than that) so we'll just take things at her speed.  Judy and i already talked about just having dinner in the room tonight so Dylan can have some settling in time.

Still can't get over all of this.  I remember how freaked i was waiting to meet David and Emma.  Thinking i had made a terrible mistake, this was all wrong, what was i thinking adopting a child, wait adopting two kids!!!!!   and here i go again, worrying the same worries.  i had to keep reminding myself how i went thru all of this the last time and the very second i saw Emma (David was being bathed) i KNEW i had made the absolutely right decision.  I loved her on the spot.  I'll always remember that instant bond, that overwhelming sense of a mother's love.  I know that will happen when i meet Dylan (Na Na) but for now, I'm worrying myself sick.

muscles ache.  stomach pitching.  head hurts.  geez you'd think i had been partying all night long.