clock watching

Sitting outside the beautiful Sheraton, in beautiful Guiyang (ignoring the heavy cigarette smoking everywhere, inescapable, engulfing me) and willing the clock to move forward.  Once it hits 4pm i can start counting down the final HOURS till Dylan Day.  4pm Monday.  My world will change.  I can start saying i have TWO daughters and one son.  (though if i had left it up to David, it would be two sons and one daughter!)  It's so strange, odd, surreal, bizarre, scary, exhausting.  I want Gotcha Day to be here already at the same time I'm so nervous.  With David and Emma's adoption i was nervous beyond belief, but i wasn't worried about any medical conditions.  No diapers or bottles to think about.  (milk, formula, rice powder, juice?  solid foods, semi solid foods, no foods?)  no cleft palate to worry about.  No fear of choking on food. (okay always a little bit of that fear with all kids)  but this is all so new and pretty overwhelming at times.

3:31.  not 4pm yet.  not less than 24 hours yet.  waiting for our guide to get the massive email i sent with thousands upon thousands of questions.  hoping she won't just ditch it and say Nope they won't answer any of my questions.  hoping they'll grant my request to see her orphanage, her finding spot, even just the city where she now lives.   hoping the transition goes smoothly.  hoping I've brought every single form i needed.  in triplicate. with duplicate copies attached.

3:35.  sitting outside in the nice weather.  wishing i had socks on as my ankles are chilly.  loving that i can sit outside.  drinking too strong coffee that will surely keep me up all night long.  Listening to odd mix of 80's USA classic hits, Spanish and French melodies and Chinese disco.  so much going on around me.  no desire to walk around and explore.  too tired,  too drained.  Just want to nest.  nest and rest.  want to get the room ready for her arrival.  Want to get my brand new lovely diaper bag stuffed with the things I'll need for tomorrow.  her toy, some snacks, a change of clothes.   hand off all those donations.  Hug Dylan.  Hold Dylan.  

Odd day of shopping at Walmart (apparently they are everywhere and could have saved myself the headache of TWO excursions while in Beijing looking for baby formula -- which, in all likelihood, she no longer even drinks!)   this one being across the street from the hotel.  Right out in the middle of the town square of sorts, down a steep staircase, turn and another steep staircase,  there in the ground, below the passersby a huge walmart.  Strangeness.   This is the year of the horse so i bought Dylan a cute yellow stuffed horsey.  that will be her gift tomorrow.  Caught sight of a KFC.  tried to order from the pictures.  Unlike Beijing, no one here speaks English.  pointing to what i hoped was chicken and not fish.  got fries with it.  not fries like back home, but close enough to bring comfort.   bought too much which was a worry as i was told they only take Chinese Yuan here, not int'l credit cards.  Hadn't brought that much cash with me to China... Am hoping i will not need to do a wire transfer.  they surely take cc's in Guangzhou?  i will be in trouble if not.

3:44 DAMN not 4pm yet.   not less than 24 hours yet.   have been breaking out in fits of quick uncontrollable tears all day.  seeing all these babies.  Momma's happily pushing their babies towards us and encouraging them to say Ni Hao to these odd foreigners.  we are odd foreigners.   we're here to take away one of their babies, but nope they are all nice to us.  no bad feelings.  we are all family now.  getting colder now.  ankles are unhappy.  drinking way too much coffee.  but our room is so hot.  they really crank up the heat in doors.  we've had to run the AC to try and cancel some of the heat.  but so hot and stuffy.  luckily i brought one short sleeved shirt.  probably should wash it today.....   had our one and only luggage issue yesterday.  a bag holding the baby bottles also had a small bottle of dish soap. either because of the pressure of just because it ended up the one piece of luggage on which every other piece of luggage was piled -- 'sploaded.  all the soap i had squished out and covered all the bottles, and more inconvenient for me, all the disposable bottle inserts.  disposable.  not requiring any washing.  use once and toss.  all had to be wash, rinsed, rinsed and rinsed.  drying all over the bathroom now.  had to buy more soap.  boo.

3:55. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!???

3:59.  almost

4:00!!!!!!!!!   it's here.  i'm now 24 hours away from Dylan.  will not entertain the idea that they may be late.  that it might not happen when it's supposed to happen.  it's all going to be just perfect.   i will finally be able to meet Dylan.  Dylan... Dylan   Dylan.......